Wednesday, January 03, 2007


On Being a Liberal

An even dozen flip flops a sane person must perform

After years of hearing out lefties, and getting my dander up, I decided to list the positions I would have to take to be considered a card-carrying Liberal:

1. The Constitution is merely a starting point, a base, from which we can legislate a Liberal agenda. Since we can’t get such legislation through the Congress at the moment, or past the President, we will pressure judges however we can to legislate from the bench.

2. We need to raise taxes, mainly on the well-to-do, to fund our social benefits program, which in turn will ensure that the beneficiaries will vote to keep us in office. After all, the rich are a mere 1% minority.

3. Once in power, we can implement our backdoor money transfers with impunity, and lever contributions from industry by threatening their defense programs and their earmark projects.

4. We must approach every situation with meetings of the stakeholders. Talk-Talk is better than War-War. After all, Islamic Radicals have been suppressed for years, and letting them air out their grievances against us would clear the table for fruitful negotiations. We need to cozy up to our friends in Europe. They have many good ideas of how to make socialism work.

5. We should cut and run in Iraq and to hell with our pride, our promises, and our future. The money we spent in Iraq could have been used for more social programs, such as paid tuition to college for everyone.

6. There is no such thing as a global war on terror. There are merely police actions that can be handled by existing law forces, perhaps with a boost in numbers and technology. Islam is really a peaceful religion, so we simply have to clean out the gangsters operating under the Islamic banner.

7. The military is too big and too expensive today. We need to cut their budget, and put the savings into more benefits for the people. We don’t need new $300 million fighters, $5 billion carriers, a missile defense system costing hundreds of billions of dollars, and forward-based troops around the world. We are a peaceful nation, and should not get into wars. Then, too, why not let everyone have nuclear weapons and missiles? Since there is no GWOT, we can rescind the Patriot Act also!

8. We must enforce free speech as widely as possible, including allowing porn, politically correct speech, prosecution for hate crimes, and the use of loaded words. We will need more police to do this.

9. It is obvious that we will have to pass a federal law to allow gay marriage throughout the States.

10. We must also solve the illegal immigrant problem by giving them amnesty, and allowing them to become US citizens. Open borders is the right way to go. The Hispanics will vote for us if this goes through, and the Muslims will come in in droves. Sharia can't happen here.

11. We simply must get guns out of the hands of the populace, perhaps with one baloney slice at-a-time legislation. The 2nd amendment is outdated and should be rescinded. We can’t allow the populace to turn on us and fight against our programs for their betterment, especially our plans to give the UN a big money boost and let them have a big piece of our sovereignty.

12. Our steps towards full multiculturalism and socialism will require that we nationalize many industries in order to take their profits in support of such things as free medical treatment for all, free college as mentioned earlier, free retirement at 70% of last pay, and to fund abortions on demand, among many other programs.

And....I forgot....It is all Bush's fault.



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