Thursday, May 24, 2012


A Change of Heart

How does one talk about one’s innermost aspirations?

For a number of years, I have stayed away from personal topics such as love, friendship and close relationships, together with the emotional states and fierce loyalties that accompany those relationships.  One reason for this is, of course, the fact that blogs can reach a whole universe of people, and I have been reluctant to bear my soul and my most intimate thoughts to them, especially if the readers turn out to be acquaintances, friends and neighbors.  

A second reason for steering away from such intimate topics is the other people that have been involved in various ways with me.  It would not be fair if they were a part of my exposures without their foreknowledge and consent.  Such consent would obviously not be forthcoming from them in all probability. Thus, to write about love and other personal subjects, it must be without compromising any other peoples, with one notable exception—my wife who, I am certain, will never read this.

One central theme in my life has been the quest for my very own soul mate.  That I define as someone who merges with me, or complements me, in every way, thus creating a new loving and wonderful coupling-- spiritually, mentally, physically, and tempermentally. An impossible dream, I must agree, but it is amazing how close I have come to finding such a person! This is the one fact that keeps me hoping that my full and complete soul mate does exist even now at my advanced age, and over and above the long-term and fully permanent relationship that is an intimate part of my life right now.  

This is a startling assertion to me. That I admit to longing for a true soul mate in the face of another oath-bound and long-term commitment speaks to the power of such an idea within me, and I do realize all the while that finding such an exceptional person must not be to the detriment of my other lifelong commitment.  All of which highlights the virtual impossibility of fulfilling this dream completely.  Something is missing in my life that most likely will never be found. The fact that my oath and my duty bind me to another prevents me from urgently seeking and fulfilling this dream relationship so long as the current commitment exists.

It is a fact that I found many of the necessary ingredients of my soul mate in my marriage, or else I would not have continued the relationship for over 55 years, and still counting. Some of the magic has fallen away over those over a half century of years, however, for many, many reasons, including aging, illnesses, and the growth of considerable differences in mental and spiritual outlook between us, to name a few. With time, these differences wear down one’s enthusiasm, one’s patience, and one’s willingness to overlook the failings that grow worse with age. But not the commitment or the duty!

This, then, is my dilemma: my commitment to duty, or to my dream.

For now, duty wins!

But I can dream, can’t I?


Wednesday, May 09, 2012


Multiple Mindsets

What is a Mindset

From Wikipedia:

“In decision theory and general systems theory, a mindset is a set of assumptions, methods, or notations held by one or more people or groups of people that is so established that it creates a powerful incentive within these people or groups to continue to adopt or accept prior behaviors, choices, or tools. This phenomenon of cognitive bias is also sometimes described as mental inertia, "groupthink", or a "paradigm", and it is often difficult to counteract its effects upon analysis and decision making processes.

On the positive side a mindset can also be seen as incident of a person's Weltanschauung or philosophy of life. For example there has been quite some interest in the typical mindset of an entrepreneur.”

See also

• Attitude

• Cognitive bias

• Confirmation bias

• Infrastructure bias

• Meme and Memetics

• Paradigm

• Einstellung effect

• Entrepreneurial mindset

• Philosophy of Life

• Weltanschauung

From my own ideas:

Mindset: A collection of roles, missions and functions, conscious or unconscious rules, assumptions, aphorisms, decisions, conclusions, facts, truths and suppositions derived from education, convention, custom and experience that determine further attitudes, conclusions, decisions and actions of a person or group of persons. On the negative side, a mindset can be a cognitive bias; on the positive side a mindset can be a philosophy of life or Weltanshauung.

Assertion: a person or a group can, and even must, hold multiple mindsets simultaneously, usually in line with the many roles, functions, and missions that individuals and groups must cope with in life.

Example: a religious mindset and a scientific mindset held simultaneously by one person are readily evident in the history of both religion and science, and for that matter, philosophy, politics and literature as well.

Example: The various roles and functions a woman must hold in life as: wife; mother; working woman; lover; companion; housekeeper; educator; decorator; gardener; thinking person, religious person; political person and citizen; (to name a few) argue that she must hold almost simultaneously each of the mindsets that govern these roles. One might say that she must hold a composite or super-mindset that covers her various roles, and each of the sub-mindsets must be treated as needed.

Having asserted that a person must learn and hold multiple mindsets at the ready to succeed in their life’s endeavors, a key problem in doing so is the balancing act needed to apportion sufficient effort into each role, mission, function and accompanying mindset.

The husband, for example, has multiple roles and missions too and hence must hold multiple mindsets simultaneously just as his wife does (and hopefully in synchronization with his wife!). For the man, his working mindset or mindsets must be offset by his roles and functions or mindsets as: father; lover; companion; citizen; educator; thinking person; financial manager; religious person; political person; handyman; gardener, and so on, thus he, too, must have a super-mindset to manage his sub-mindsets!


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