Tuesday, February 15, 2005


The Leftwing Platform

The End of the Leftwing Democratic Road

Were the Democrats to win big in 2006 and 2008, a legislative feast of Leftwing propositions would begin to spew out of Congress and be happily signed by Hillary Clinton. Assuming Hillary wins a second term, bought by the benefits showered on the citizens in the first, that will move us up to 2016, where the feast would really get rolling. The following is a sketch of what we would be in for:

The Leftwing Platform

1. To keep your benefits, and to increase them, vote Democratic,
2. To keep from making a mistake, always vote against Republicans.
3. This is our basic benefit program; designed for YOU:
3.1. Pay grades will be adjusted such that the highest pay level is only 3 times that of the lowest in any organization or business.
3.2. The Hillarycare program will ensure free medical care to everyone, and free long-term care to the elderly.
3.3. The Hillarycollege program will ensure free college to everyone.
3.4. The Hillarywork program will legislate a 4-day workweek for everyone, and an extra three holidays a year, to fall , naturally, on workdays.
3.5. The Hillaryfun program will legislate a standard three weeks of vacation for everyone, rising every 6 years of service by another week, for a possible total of 8 weeks after 30 years of service.
3.6. Through the Hillarygold program, at retirement everyone will get an income of 70% of their average highest pay over three years in their career, in order to make their golden years a happy experience.
3.7. In the Hillarygold program, there will also be a survivor benefit of 50% of the deceased’s last income per month.
3.8. Women need not worry about becoming pregnant. If they don’t want to carry the baby, they may have an abortion free of charge.
3.9. Working mothers need not worry about their children. The Government will provide free care for them, and will educate them from kindergarten onwards.
3.10. Workers everywhere will have mandatory job security, and a guaranteed job in their area.
3.11. If there are no job openings available, we will pay you 70% of your last wage as unemployment compensation, until we can find a job opening, or you can find one.
3.12. We will offer free vocational and technical job training for all who desire it.
3.13. We will offer everyone a guaranteed housing loan so that you can own you own home.

4. Besides this outstanding womb-to-tomb benefits program, we Liberal Democrats are certain you will agree with our findings about the opposition and some of their backwards ideas:
4.1. Republican Presidential candidates lie about everything
4.2. Iraq is unmanageable. We must withdraw.
4.3. There is no real terror threat, it was a Republican lie.
4.4. We will make friends everywhere: with France, Germany, Iran, North Korea, Syria, Indonesia, Russia, China…all countries, rich or poor, free or enslaved, whether they love us or not.
4.5. We don’t need nuclear weapons: we will reduce the number we have by half every three years, until we have just a few left.
4.6. The Armed forces are far, far too big and expensive: we will reduce them by 70% over the next five years, and stop all new developments for weapons. This will help pay for the benefits we will put in.
4.7. Our past Republican Administration has blown the budget. We will balance it, and even have a surplus!
4.8. We believe that multiculturalism is good, so we will support it strongly.
4.9. We believe that Secularism is the way to go, to ensure that Government is conducted with reason, not emotion or appeals to unseen spirits. Religion has no place in the public arena, so all such symbols and artifacts will be banned.
4.10. Moral relativism, not moral absolutes, will be the code of the Century.
4.11. The Government will operate all schools from kindergarten through university.
4.12. The Government will cure the profiteering in our services sector by taking the industries over and running them for your benefit. This includes power and energy, communications and TV, radio, and transportation.
4.13. Since we believe in World Government, we will work to create a more powerful UN that we can entrust with our security, and thus cede much of our sovereignty to the UN.
4.14. We have the solution to our drug problem, that will impoverish the drug lords and save citizens a lot of money. We will legalize all forms of drugs for over-the-counter sale.
4.15. Travel will be controlled by the Government, and The UN.
4.16. Voting for President and Vice President will be done by a national referendum; voting for State Governors will be done by State referendums.
4.17. Of course, a number of these changes will involve changes to the Constitution, Judicial Fiats or even Executive Orders.
4.18. Since guns are dangerous, we will pass legislation to ban all guns and to have them confiscated.
4.19. Marriage will be legislated to be a union between any two single adults, and any such unions may adopt children.
4.20. We will make child-rearing optional. If you don’t want your children, the Government will take them and raise them in their organizations.
4.21. We are concerned about the population size. To control this, we will institute mandatory birth control by age; all under 19 will have to have it. Other provisions to reduce the load on nursing care, medical procedures, and bed space will be taken.
4.22. Divorce will be simplified. The main unit of our country will not be the family anyway, it will be the village.
4.23. We have decided that inheritance should be stopped. All estates will be reverted to the government, including all investments and all property, to be shared with the citizenry.
4.24. We believe that sex is to be enjoyed by all, along with porn and places where one can find partners, so they will be legislated to be proper under the law.


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